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My friends afterwards confirmed this, and revealed to me that they saw her. They also revealed to me that she was also in the same venue that I was in the night before, and was standing right next to me at one point in the night. I had no idea … I was in shock. Little that I know that at said moment of time she was inches away from me. Ever since finding out, I have been in a lot of pain and confusion. I wish that none of this would happen, and that I could turn back time and not meet her the time I did, or not wait for her that day we met when she had forgotten her jacket.

Had I known the difficult of the journey at that time, perhaps I would have saved myself the trouble and pain that accompanied it. I just wish to go on with my life without hearing anything about her life, without seeing her, without talking to her, or without hearing of her ever again.

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It would be much easier to convince myself that she was just a figment of my imagination, and erase this phase of my life and never be reminded of it again. It dawned on me right then and there that I have gone from a twin flame chaser, to one that stays still in the waiting room, to a twin flame runner. I am terrified. I tremble at the thought of seeing her. Somewhere in this journey, I went from embracing love to being covered in fear. I am afraid that I run into her and see that I really was not that special in her life, and that all of this was in fact just a figment of my imagination.

It would be much easier for me to think it never happened than accept the idea that it was real and I was delusional. The new thing that I discovered is that I am also afraid that I actually am right … what if we are Twin Flames as I had previously stated? Then what? How do we go on with our lives?

What do Twin Flames do when they both acknowledge that they are? Can we survive in this third dimensional reality? What are we supposed to do with that bit of information? So yaaay, we are Twin Flames … then what? Its obviously much more than — settle down, get married, get kids, grow old …. There is nothing I want more than to grow old with her … but is that it? Can we function as a solid entity and face the obstacles life throws at me? Will she run away again? Do I have what it takes to keep her believing? Can I inspire her to be the best that I could be, as she had once inspired me?

Can she love me the way I wish she would? I read your comments, I feel them, resonate with them, send you a heart full of love … and then run away. Hi, I know you are reading this … I just know, like I knew a lot of other things. But, you found me. I am not sure you understand how big this is that you actually found me and recognized me. I have nothing else to say except, I miss you. You probably know that already. If we do meet and run into each other — as it seems we narrowly missed each other the past two days — and I turn out to be an asshole, I am sorry … I am just terrified.

I will put on a brave face and pretend to be cold, because that is the only dam that is stopping me from giving you a huge hug and kiss you on your forehead. Hope this message puts a smile on your face, to know that you are missed and cherished, even when you are not around. Sending you love — always.

I am getting the sense that my twin flame might actually be following me through this blog, even though I am writing anonymously. I just wanted to say that I still think the world of you, contrary to what you may probably tell yourself.

I wish nothing but joy and love in your life. I ask the universe to continue to give you the opportunities for your to seek fulfillment and grow to become the most beautiful version of yourself. This is by far the most difficult piece that I am to write. The thought of me sharing this with you makes me cringe, but I believe it best to express these thoughts that I am suppressing deep within me.

I do not dare share this with friends or my social circles for fears of being looked down upon as weak or pathetic, and perhaps exacerbating these suicidal tendencies even further, so I decided to share it on this anonymous blog; perhaps there are those out there that could relate to what I am talking about and this could somehow be of help to them or something. Or maybe this is just a silly rant coming from a sick individual who desperately needs help. Truth is I have been fighting this feeling for a long time. I have been fighting an existential crisis for most of my life, and I have getting these thoughts of ending it all or dying to solve run away from my issues periodically from time to time perhaps like once or twice a year.

What kept me motivated to ignore the thought and power through was the hope and belief in a better tomorrow; I kept thinking that tomorrow I would have a better job, better living situation, happier relationship, more money…etc, and then I will get what I want and achieve my dreams. I try hard to overpower it and overcome my difficulties and try to reframe every challenge and obstacle into that of positivity, but on days like today, it becomes extremely difficult.

You know what the funny thing is? All this was triggered by a happy thought at first. I started this weekend with the desire to celebrate as things are starting to look up in my professional life, and I was planning on going out and having fun. I woke up today feeling incredibly alone, that even in my time of celebration, I had no one to share my happiness with.

The one person I wished was with me during today is happily celebrating other live events with her new partner. I am not happy for her. I am sorry for not being this mature sage that I try to pretend that I am. I am really not happy that she is not with me. Years after separation, and the sadness has not changed.

They tell you that this type of relationship would eventually change you and make you into someone with a much higher vibration; all it has done is bring me down. Every moment that passes in my life without her is a moment wasted that I could not get back. I curse the day I have found out about twin flames, as it has brought about a lot of pain and heartaches and constant disappointment into my life. Am I doing it wrong? There is a lot of poison that is being fed to us in our spiritual circles by many of the so-called Twin Flame experts and guides.

There are those who claim to channel messages by invisible beings that promise that reunion is eminent and all we have to do is believe. Truth be told I was feeling rather empty and distraught for many months after my separation. I was clutching at straws and trying to find any sense to what I considered to be complete nonsense. According to her, she has been having issues with us for some time now, and I was just to blind to see it. But I found solace in the Twin Flame theory when I first discovered it.

It made a lot of sense to me, and allowed me to regain my sanity for a while. See, when I first met her, I instantly felt that she was the one I have been looking for all my life. Even though we had our problems and arguments, I still felt that she was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. I never experienced this before, when just being with her just felt right. I have been in love before, but there was a thought in the back of my head that this will somehow end.

Not with this girl, the feeling was reversed. She expressed similar sentiments at the time, but then told me it that she was just forcing it why would anyone try to force something like that is beyond me , but that is beside the point. So the separation came as a complete shock to me. I had this weird feeling inside me that she will someday return and we will resume where we left off. So the stages of the Twin Flame made absolute sense to me, and it was so much easier to believe that she ran because she became to vulnerable much more so because she became dis-interested.

So I engaged in my own spiritual journey. Fuck that man. Even now I cannot find the words to describe how I feel out of fear of someone trying to analyze my feelings into something that might be extremely painful for me. My only reward is knowing that she somehow feels what I have felt, and that I did not go through this all on my own. They then remind me that I have been given the gift of growth, and that I should be grateful and count my blessings … yes, but then that means that I have been delusional about everything else about her, and that I am somehow borderline psychotic.

How am I going to trust entering another relationship again? How am I ever going to trust my partner, for if my so called twin had changed her feelings for me seemingly overnight, how am I to trust anyone again after that? How am I to trust my intuition, who spent the last few years reassuring me that she is indeed my twin, only to find out that this is just my ego trying to convince me of that to avoid acknowledging that she simply does not feel the same way about me?

To those pyschics who throw out judgments over whether some are twins, or soul mates, or karmic whatever, watch out — you have no idea how much damage you can inflict upon those who come to you for solace. Midway through my journey, I started getting excited about all these different channels that proclaim that reunion is near. Starting off with that Metatron channel by Anna Merkaba about the Diamond Grid being activated on December 21 st , What is the Diamond Grid?

Finally, my dear runner is going to be coming back to me. Nothing happened. Then it was Patricia McNeilly who said that summer is when the action will take place because many twins will be reunited by September. Then the entire spiritual community was very excited about this huge gamma ray wave on the 28 th of September, the final blood moon. Then some other psychic is now saying that reunions will take place between November and December of this year … and it will keep on going on.

Somewhere along the line, I felt very demotivated and disappointed. It was like I was chasing a carrot that was attached to a stick coming out of my head. These so called prophecies made me doubt everything about myself when they did not come true, and they ushered in a wave of self depreciating thoughts that I had successfully locked out in months prior. What is now left is a semi empty shell that has some very difficult days, and days that feel it best to just end everything.

What makes things worse is the feeling that my twin is actually happy right now, and most probably not mirroring whatever I am feeling right now. In questioning my own sanity, I feel helpless, useless, and foolish. This is where the suicidal thoughts come in. These thoughts scare me. I want to feel loved. I want to feel that others care about me. It is so hard to admit this, and I feel like a whiny bastard, but I truly do want to be happy.


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I want to live and experience life the way I have always dreamed of. I want the magical life and love story that I had always dreamed of. I want to believe in the goodness of the world again. I want to believe in beauty again. I want the life that I believe that I deserve. Dear reader, do you relate to what I am saying? If you are at the same level in your journey as I am and are now questioning why the hell did you take this road to begin with, I would like to comfort you and tell you that I know how you feel. I understand you, because I am feeling it too.

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All I know is that I loved her more than anyone and have been through a series of developments that have stemmed from my relationship with her, whether or not she feels the same way is irrelevant. By accepting that, I feel liberated in a way. I may find out during this lifetime, or I might not.

Sad, but true. What I can do is promise you, my friends, and my family not to give up on life. I promise that I will not take my own life and continue to fight for a world that I believe in as much as I can. I promise to battle my demons everyday and try to make the best of the time that I am given. I promise that I can try. I promise that I will look after myself and honor my general well being above all, even if that means that I have to let go of certain dreams here and there.

I promise to work hard on not letting these disappointments get to me, and keep getting back up after every fall. I promise to do be the best I can as much as I can, and to continue to develop to the best of my ability. I promise to believe in love, and I promise to believe in myself. Dear disappointed Twin Flames around the world reading this right now; can you promise your friends, family and love ones to do the same? Could you promise me like I promise you? Let us make this contract with ourselves right here and now, to promise each other not to fully give in to our disappointments.

I love you all and wish you all the happiness you deserve, for I understand your pain and know that you are the strongest, bravest and purest souls that reside on this Earth today. You deserve nothing but the purest form of love, and I will pray. A few years ago, I met and then separated from my Twin Flame. What came after was an intense period of coincidences and psychic development, which I chose to believe were spiritually inclined.

I discovered and then subscribed to Twin Flame lore within a few months after separation, and for a few months after that, I seemed to have discovered something new every day. I was very much aware of how much I was growing, how much my heart chakra was expanding, and how much my psychic abilities were developing. I was rather encouraged and excited as all the pain that I have been feeling seemed to be molding me into a stronger more evolve human soul, and it seemed that my Twin Flame reunion was within the reach of the palm of my hand.

The synchronocities stopped. The growth rate decreased. The psychic abilities diminished. The hope lost. What happened? Well, the turning point in my development seemed to be when my Twin Flame discovered my beliefs and, although very supportive with my own growth, rejected any insinuation that she was involved with any of this at the human or soul level. She thought she was being honest and encouraging; she wanted me to admit that it was all coming from within me and that she had nothing to do with it.

While she was correct in the fact that it was all within me, her role in this awakening process — which she completely dismisses — is undeniable. She was definitely instrumental in this process, whether she likes to admit it or not. But her resistance to the idea saddened me. It saddened me so much that I began to question my own intuition … were we really Twin Flames? Is there even such a thing as Twin Flames? Is all this just an ego trip for me to escape the painful truth that I have been rejected?

I have been plagued by these thoughts for the past year, and the state of confusion has rocked me off my steady path of growth and got me into a muddy stream of fighting with me own ego. While I believe that she meant well in trying to get me to downplay or negate her role in my development, it initially had the adverse affect. All my spiritual exploration, self-introspection, channeling and revelations have stemmed from one major belief that Twin Flames do exist and she is mine. Take that away from me, and the entire house of cards fall apart. Take that away from the equation and all my experiences lose its credibility.

I lose faith in the universe, I lose faith in magic, and I lose faith in love. The cornerstone of my entire existence and happiness in this newly created reality that I choose to live in is predicated on the fact that she is my Twin Flame. Without this foundation, nothing makes sense to me anymore, and I am totally lost and confused. Without this foundation, then the last few years were nothing but a mere delusion that I have been keeping myself in … I do not want to live my life being deluded.

As the months passed by, I have become more aware that many Twin Flames share my same predicament and have fallen in the same trap. I have also come to realize the magnitude and pressure that I am putting on my poor Twin Flame by making her the foundation on which I base my entire life purpose. It may be romantic as hell, but essentially I have come to realize that it is rather selfish on my part and terribly suffocating for her. By making her my foundation, anything she says to refute whatever I believe in would lead to me crashing down, as her validation becomes a very important element in the equation.

This role essentially goes against her free will, and what would thus ensue is a metaphysical tug of war going on, which delays both the growth of both parties and any hope for reunion afterwards. I remember that I would be extremely discouraged with myself if I would notice that she was not going through the same experiences and growth that I was, and I would discard everything that I have done in the past few years as a result.

Rather than encourage me, these thoughts most of those which are echoing articles being read online dragged me down and made me lose hope. They hurt me. They made me angry.

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They made me sad … sadder then I have ever remember being. None of this was helping me grow. None of this was helping me evolve. Much later, her words to me started to echo in the caves of my mind over and over … she said this is all within me, could there be another layer to what she meant? Perhaps a hidden message that her or my higher self wanted to plant within me, only to spring at the right moment?

What if this entire Twin Flame separation process becomes nothing more than readjusting our spiritual foundations? Think about it, many of us are where we are now because of these soul connection experiences. We believe what we believe because of them, so therefore, they are the root of who we are today.

When someone pokes at our roots, we become vulnerable and susceptible to pain — especially when that someone is the one we love who is refusing to acknowledge or validate our experiences a. I know that I am not, at least not yet. I kept on insisting to myself and everyone that I do not need her to believe for me to keep going and developing, and I was entirely convinced of that — but my actions say otherwise.

If this was the case, why do I lose hope and connectivity to source whenever she says something that shakes my belief system? I am surrendering in the sense that I am not chasing after her anymore trying to convince her of anything, not even on an energy level. I am not in Radiance because I feel bitter; I feel cheated by the universe which on an intellectual I know is not possible, but this is what I feel nevertheless. I feel like I have lead on a wild goose chase, and that my Twin is rather oblivious to everything. In order for me to move on to the next stage, one of two things needs to occur: either she validates my experiences and therefore strengthens my foundations once more, or I would just change my foundation.

I must admit that there were many times in the past that the universe did bring her to me at critical times in my path to indirectly give me the reassurance that I need be it in synchronicities or in telepathic conversations that were proven to be true , but nothing significant of this sort had happened in the past 8 months or so.

I could keep waiting for it, or perhaps the universe thinks its time that I graduate from this stage of my development and take another leap forward. It has become obvious to me that it is time to rebuild my spiritual foundations. This is a very difficult step, as human beings tend to want to seek validity of their own beliefs from those that surround them. I do know is what it does NOT mean, and what I have been doing so far — although it may have served me in the past — does not serve me any more. I need to be in a place where if my Twin Flame continues to reject me, that will have no effect on me or my spiritual growth.

I also need be in a place where if I am to be proven that she is in fact not my Twin, or that there is no such thing as Twin Flames, that I am still centered in my own being. Perhaps this is what it means to be centered and grounded; to be well rooted within who I am and what I am here to do that nothing can affect me negatively on an emotional level.

Perhaps this is why she is where she is at the moment and I am where I am, maybe this is a lesson that I need to learn as it will benefit me and everyone around me during the next few phases of my mission. We tend to forget that this Twin Flame experience is all about preparing us for our soul mission and not about a romantic love story, so perhaps her act of rejecting being my foundation is actually the most beautiful act of soul love she could ever give to me.

I now know that I must readjust my spiritual roots to become more self sufficient and less reliant on her. I am not exactly sure how to do so, but I am sure I will figure it out. Wow, this blog post got me out of my hibernation mode, I just felt the need to reblog it! This article sums up quite effectively and articulately what I had hoped to communicate through this blog. In the end, this Twin Flame journey is what we make of it. Wish my twin flame could read this. Mirror of my soul - Stories of you, me and eternity.

As volunteers to this 3 rd dimensional plane of existence, we came here to anchor, emanate and demonstrate the new paradigm energies in order to raise the vibratory pattern of humanity as a whole. In fact, when we awaken to the Twin flame experience and its cosmic call to assist humanity, we often find ourselves barely afloat in the fish soup of the lower human experience, stuck in the nitty gritty of everyday struggles; relationships and marriages that fail to nourish us, overwhelming family dynamics and soul destroying jobs, cracking under cultural and religious demands, in endless cycles of….

View original post 2, more words. I have had terrible heart wrenching break ups in the past, but nothing like this, where I truly felt that part of me has died and I felt completely lost and confused. To this day, I have very little recollection of time in the four months that followed our break up, all I remember that it was completely disorienting.

These feelings were heavily triggered and ignited by the seemingly carefree attitude that my beloved was taking, as if this break up meant nothing to her, and within two days she was out and about and having the time of her life. How can I not though? How can I not feel utterly destroyed when someone who had two weeks earlier had looked deep into my eyes and told me that she was looking for me all her life? Maybe I was an idiot to buy into all of what she said, and she was just someone who in the moment felt like saying the things she said, and felt that she meant them, but that was just in the moment.

Maybe this whole Twin Flame thing is a new age fairytale concoction came about by young spiritualists with attachments to their desires. Maybe life really is about being completely detached and living passively accepting whatever the universe gives you and being thankful for it. On the surface, I could describe my entire experience as two people meeting one another and having an intense romantic attraction that took off super fast but was not real.

She left him and was able to get over it rather fast because she never really felt anything towards the guy, just of an archetype which she then projected onto other people in her life which fulfilled her needs. He dives head first into this new spiritual realm and his ego and subconscious trick him to validate his feelings by manifesting so called metaphysical experiences to make him grow in his beliefs, and allowing him to delve deeper and deeper in both his studies and conviction.

If one were to take logic and facts alone, the above paragraph would make perfect sense. But, something inside me tells me different. I see her face in everywhere I go, I seek her out even though I hope not to run into her, I think about her all the time, and my heart just hopes and wishes that there is more to life that what was mentioned above. I am holding out for a miracle, I simply choose to believe and continue to choose to believe. Or is this truly a divine connection that has been sent to me throughout some spiritual plan? This type of questioning rings loud in my head everyday, and sometimes its like a battle with one self.

My head hurts, both my heart and solar plexus chakras are on fire with my solar plexus feels like it is being pulled and my heart chakra feels like it is expanding. It is time to stand up to my fear of being delusional or losing my sanity — it is time for me to acknowledge what scares me the most and accept that.

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Truth is, I am very uncomfortable in not knowing, but that I have chosen to plunge into this world of the unknown. What I do know is that I love her … take everything away — my hopes, dreams and promises of reunion — but you cannot take that away from me. My love towards her is real. I know that the few months I spent with her, although it had its ups and downs, were amongst the happiest of my life.

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